Are You Parenting Like Your Parents?

​Pew Research Center found that “among parents who say they’re raising their children similarly to how they were raised, the dominant theme focused on values and beliefs that are important to their family. For those who are taking a different approach to parenting compared with their own upbringing, a focus on love and their relationship with their children was the most common theme.”

Whether you’re for or against (or some combination of the two) parenting like your parents, it’s important to take time to explore what works best for your unique family. It’s easy to see how the world has changed since our own childhood, and so it makes sense that we have new choices, support options, information, resources, and ability to change as we see fit.

I like where Angela Pruess lands on the subject of parenting like our parents in her Parentco. article: “The thing is, changing aspects of your parenting approach from the one you experienced is not about whether or not your parents got it right, it’s about whether or not you’re trying your best to get it right with your own unique child. We know with great certainty that every child and every family is unique. Attuning and adjusting to these needs gives our parenting and our kids an extra edge towards healthy development in all aspects of life. Is it more work? Hell, yes. Is it worth it? Absolutely. We only have one shot at this parenting gig. None of us will do it perfectly, but I think we can all agree we’d like to look back and know that we never stopped giving it, and them, our best shot.”

Try this week: Notice areas where you are parenting like your parents, and explore how well those choices are working for you and your unique family right now. Does your family have different needs than you did as a kid? It might be hard to separate so make a “then vs. now” list if you need to! Question your choices with curiosity and without judgment. Give yourself a lot of time, space, and grace when you explore things like:

- Do I have loose consequences for my kids because it’s easier, or because I’m worried I’ll feel less connected to my kids if I enforce them?

- Do I go to church every week or the same place for vacation every year because it is what my parents did or because it’s what I want to do?

- Do I celebrate holidays the way my parents did…because that’s what they did? Have I explored other ways to enjoy holidays with my family that we might enjoy more? (You can always change your mind and go back to traditions, or do them every other year, etc.)

- Do I have my kids stick to the same foods/diet (vegetarian, meat-based, etc.) because that is how I was raised?

- Are grades important because my parents made them the most important thing? Or do I approach my kids’ education the same way my parents did?

If you feel ready to challenge a few similarities, start small. Try a new type of food/restaurant this week, let your kid know they are more than their grades, say no something or to a tradition...and notice how it feels. Or, if you find you feel confident about your parenting that’s similar to how you were raised, that’s fine! Either way, talk to your family about what you noticed, and ask them how they feel about it. You might be surprised at the answers!

You’re doing a Great Job!