Be Careful!!!

As soon as we got the bikes home, the girls strapped on their helmets. Charlie realized her bike was a little bit too tall, and she struggled to get her tip toes to touch the ground as she straddled the edge of the seat. She needed help maneuvering the bike and fell every time she got on and tried to balance.

“You’re doing it perfectly, Char,” I said. “You’re learning to fall first. The sooner you learn how to fall, the sooner you’ll be comfortable on the bike, because falling is the hardest and scariest part.”

She nodded, and stubbornly kept trying. As I stood on sidelines, giving Charlie the space to get used to the feel of the new bike, my mother-in-law came over and tried holding her handlebars, saying, “it’s okay, Meema’s got you,” as Charlie peddled.

Char hated the hands-on help. She “took a break,” then after my in-laws left, she got back on the bike. By end of the hour, she was riding around the cul-de-sac by herself.

“Look, mom! I’m doing it!”

I walked out to be near her on the sidewalk, watching her and greeting my neighbor’s mom, Diane, who was walking her dog. The first thing she said to me was, “Is she just learning how to ride a bike? You need to be really careful.”

We watched the mix of delight and confidence in Charlie’s face as her and her sister rode around in circles. Both Charlie and Sidda made their way over to us, and the first thing Diane said to them was, “Make sure you lock up your bike! They steal them quick in this neighborhood. I knew someone who had their bike stolen right out of their garage or out of their yard. You can never be too careful.”

I struggled with all these outside warnings of “being careful.” I know they were well intentioned on the surface (thanks grandmas!!😘), but what does “be careful” mean, other than a way to appease the anxiety of the person who felt the need to say it?

As their mom, I know my kids did not need to be told to be careful. They certainly don’t need someone’s anxiety dumped on them as they are actively trying to build confidence. What they need is to delight in the sheer childlike thrill of trusting their bodies, riding a new bike, and building up the confidence to do so. Sure, they might get hurt, but does that mean they shouldn’t even try?

Just because we don’t feel comfortable or safe, doesn’t mean we need to pass our anxiety or feelings on to others.

How often do we do that…especially with our kids? And how often do we do it when no one asked for our advice or opinion? If we don’t know how to ride a bike (my mother-in-law later admitted she never learned), is it possible that we can create space inside ourselves to be okay when we watch others give it a go? Could we practice not projecting our anxiety, fear, and stuff onto them and maybe encourage them on their effort instead?

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to hold my kids back from doing something they are interested in because of my anxiety and fear. (Honestly, they would never learn how to cut an apple).

This week: Check in and notice the times you find yourself wanting to shout, “be careful!” to your kids (or anyone). Are they really in danger? If so, take them out of it!! If they’re not in immediate danger, see if you can replace it with something encouraging instead: “You’re awesome!” or “That’s amazing!” or our personal favorite… “You’re doing a Great Job!”

Until next time, be careful out there, folks. 😆

You’re doing a Great Job!