What to Do When You’re Annoyed by Your Kids This Summer ☀️
By Emily Mall —
May 24, 2024
It happens.
The kids are home for the summer and no matter the amount of beautiful weather, wishful thinking, or chore charts…you are already over it. Dishes and socks have quadrupled and are all over the house. You are buying more groceries, doing more drop-offs and pick-ups, and more laundry. You grapple with making sure your kids aren’t spending all day on screens, while secretly hating when they’re off because they are in your face and “bored.”
Welcome to the summer! 😜
Here’s what you can do in those moments when you wish your Pivotal kids (ages 8-15) were back in school and feel guilty about it:
1) Talk it out! Don’t be afraid to sit with them and gently tell them what’s bothering you. Don’t unleash, just let them know what specific behavior is upsetting. Brainstorm some solutions together. For example:
“Hey, I want to talk to you about something: it makes me upset when the minute you are off a screen, you come and pester me because you can’t find other things to do. It makes me feel like I’m your entertainer, and I’m not. Let’s come up with a list of things for you to do this summer that you can look at when you get bored.”
2) Know your triggers. Figure out what is really making you upset. Does the behavior remind you of someone else? Is it linked to something upsetting in your past? Are you just worried about “how this will look” to others? Know your “whys” (or discover your Family Values with our FREE Family Values Worksheet – it’ll help!) and use them to remind yourself in the moment that the feelings coming up aren’t about your kid. Catch yourself! (If you are struggling with this one, reach out to a therapist).
3) Walk away. Seriously. When they are being annoying (and you’ve talked to them about it and they haven’t stopped), leave the room when it’s safe and appropriate. This is totally reasonable for Pivotal kids (ages 8-15) as they are fine by themselves for a bit. Don’t make a big deal about leaving (“I’m leaving!,” etc.). This is especially helpful when you notice you are triggered by their behavior. Give yourself (or them) a few minutes to calm down or realize they no longer have an audience. While we don’t want to leave our kids alone with their feelings, know that if you need to walk away, you can always walk back and repair when you both are in a better place. It’s never too late!
4) Remember they’re kids. It’s hard to remember sometimes! You’ve been alive for decades, while they have barely experienced one! We often place unrealistic expectations on our kids, sometimes in the form of hopes, dreams, and wishes. I wish my kids would remember to put their dishes in the sink, I hope that they are capable of stopping themselves when they’ve had too much screen time or sugar, and I dream of the day when they are mature enough to have calm arguments and manage themselves. Try re-adjusting your expectations. They’re only kids for a little while.
It is normal to love your kids and be annoyed by them sometimes. There is space for both!
This Week: When your kids get under your skin, try utilizing one or a combination of the four strategies above. Talk it out, know your triggers, walk away, and remember they’re just kids. Release a bit of the pressure from feeling like you have to make it a perfect summer for them. There’s no such thing!
You are amazing, you’ve got this, and you’re doing a Great Job!
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