Parental Burnout: Know the Signs and What to Do
By Emily Mall —
Mar 29, 2024
We don’t need to remind you that parenting is hard, yet we do want to remind you that parental burnout is real, and that being aware of the signs can help you catch yourself before it goes from bad to worse.
Belgian psychology researchers Isabelle Roskam and Moira Mikolajczak were the first to put a name to parental burnout in the early 1980s. Described as “an exhaustion syndrome,” parental burnout has three distinct aspects:
An overwhelming exhaustion related to parenting and your role as a parent
Feeling emotionally distanced from your children
A sense of ineffectiveness as a parent; feeling unsure of your ability to parent well
The American Psychological Association reports: “According to Roskam, one component was consistent among all parents who reported burnout, before and during the pandemic. ‘Burnout is the result of too much stress and the absence of resources to cope with it,’ she said. ‘You will burn out only if there is an imbalance between stress and resources.’”
The good news is that parental burnout is (generally) temporary. There are things you can do to combat this condition and cope.
Talk with your spouse, co-parent, loved one, or partner. Be honest about your overwhelm. Let them know what you are dealing with and how you are feeling about it. Outline what you need and ask for help.
Prioritize your self-care. Make sure you are getting your basic needs met! Get enough sleep at night, exercise, and eat well. If these are things you are struggling with, include them in your outline (see #1) when you ask for help.
Create a support network. Join a parenting group, find childcare or a babysitter even if it’s just for a few hours after school, find a mental health provider, and talk to your doctor.
How do you avoid parental burnout?
Psychology Today says, “Often, it is the parents most committed to their roles who are at the highest risk of burnout. The pressures some mothers and fathers put on themselves in the pursuit of perfectionism can put them at risk of never feeling good enough. Easing up on perfectionism, establishing more consistent routines for their parenting day, committing to self-care, even for short periods of time, and finding support can help parents avoid burnout.
Try this week: Think of one thing on your plate you could delegate to someone else. Could the kids take over doing the dishes during the week or cleaning the bathrooms? Could you ask or hire a local teen or family member to help your kids with homework for an hour or two after school? Perhaps a neighbor with kids similar in age could drive your kids to school or pick them up with theirs. Perhaps try a meal service or ask a friend to double their dinner and/or trade with you one night a week.
Stay strong! You’re doing a Great Job!
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