What Moms REALLY Need and Secretly Hope They Get This Mother’s Day

By Emily Mall —

May 10, 2024

Listen.

It may be Friday, but it’s not too late to take care of a mom (or a caregiver...or yourself!) this Mother’s Day.

As a subscriber to this newsletter, you likely already know how hard it is being a parent. 62% of parents say being a parent has been at least somewhat harder than they expected, with about a quarter( 26%) saying it’s been a lot harder (according to the Pew Research Center).

This is especially true of mothers, 30% of whom say being a parent has been a lot harder than they expected (compared with 20% of fathers). Mothers and fathers are about equally likely to say being a parent is enjoyable and rewarding, but larger shares of mothers than fathers say parenting is tiring (47% vs. 34%) and stressful (33% vs. 24%) at least most of the time.

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With Mother’s Day around the corner, what are some things we can do to make life easier for moms (and caregivers) with kids?

Every one has different needs. If you have a mom in your life that you can spoil, straight up ASK HER what she needs or would like. If you are celebrating motherhood on your own, spend time considering areas where you could get some of your own needs met. (Check out our list below for ideas for both partnered and solo parents/caregivers).

Keep in mind that when you ask (or check in with yourself):

- Some answers might be vague since caregivers are used to fulfilling the needs of others and thinking about their needs last.
- Some folks may never have been asked what they really need or have even had time to consider it.
- Some might not be comfortable making their desires known.
- Some might harbor a secret wish that you would figure it out (and just know) without being told.

These kinds of responses are normal and ok! If you’ve asked and are still struggling with what you can do this weekend, here are a few suggestions that are better than brunch once a year 😜:

1. Partnered: Have a conversation about the “mental load,” and brainstorm a few ways to take tasks or items off of their list. For example, call the school and ask to be the first contact. Add your kid’s school calendar to yours (if you haven’t already), and take on the job of anticipating the outfits for the spring concert or school spirit days, the food sign up for end of the year parties, or take on homework every night. Take on planning the next birthday party or carting the kids back and forth to after school activities. Offer to be in charge of the household laundry, cleaning, dinners, or weekend plans.

Solo: Make a list of your mental load and brainstorm areas you could outsource or ask friends and family for help. What would feel good to have off of your plate? For example, car pooling with neighbors, dinner trades with friends, hiring/swapping help, enlisting family to take a task off your list, etc.

2. Partnered: Give them a day or a weeknight that is just theirs to do whatever they want. (My grandfather took the kids out of the house every Sunday so my Grandmother could have a day to herself. Genius!). Put it in the calendar. Encourage them to use the time every week, and even if they don’t have their own plans, take the kids out and away from them for a few hours.

Solo: Pick one day, afternoon, or evening a week to have to yourself. Ask family to take the kids, hire a local teen or babysitter, drop them off at a friends house or swap childcare nights, or look into local resources that would allow you to have precious self-care time. (I used to use a gym that had a two hour babysitting option!).

3. Partnered: Send them out with a gift card to their favorite stores for a shopping spree day. While they’re gone, clean the house with the kids. Be as detailed and as thorough as you can. Change bed sheets, do all the laundry, scrub toilets, and bathe the dogs. Deep clean things like: the microwave, the windows, the oven, the refrigerator, the baseboards. Or organize the linen closet, the junk drawer, the pantry, etc. You got this!
Solo: Let your kids know that what you want for Mother’s Day is for them to clean the house/your car/the kitchen/whatever is age appropriate. If you can, go out for a few hours while they take on this task. Or lock yourself in your room with a movie and snacks. Hire out for a deep clean, order dinner, or arrange a day of child care so you can spend the day however you want.

If you don’t have the time or skills do take things off of the list but have the means...keep reading!

4. Sign up for a meal delivery service for a break from planning or constantly thinking about every meal. Try it for a month!

5. Sign up for a local or nationwide maid service to deep clean once or for regular cleanings.

6. Consider hiring a laundry service.

7. Book a room at a hotel, Airbnb, VRBO for a weekend getaway to enjoy alone or with friends.

8. Clean out the car once a month or have a service come out and do it.

9. Not many would hate a gorgeous monthly flower arrangement subscription. Or any fun, monthly box subscription, really.

10. And when in doubt, look to Oprah and peruse her list of gifts for moms.

This week: Wish a Happy Mother’s Day to all moms and caregivers!

YOU’RE DOING A GREAT, AMAZING JOB! 🙌